I don't...

I listen to the same songs again and again, though I know where to get new ones.

I try to write, but I fail. I try to sleep, but I fail. I keep thinking, of just one thing. I need alarms to wake me up in time, because I don’t sleep on time. I need a timer to remind me to drink water, because I forget. I eat because its lunch break, and everyone else is going for the grub.

I get tired of my inability to think. I don’t lose myself, but I don’t know what to do with what I’ve got inside. I pick a book, but I can’t read. I play a movie, but I can’t watch. I eat but I don’t taste, I breathe but I don’t smell.

I don’t lose track of time, because each moment drags on for so long. But then, days pass by, and I don’t realize that I haven’t done anything for quite some time.

I wish to run away, but I don’t make an attempt. I don’t like to call myself an escapist, though that’s exactly what I have been, for a large chunk of my life.

I wake up, I look at the light outside my window. I know exactly what day and date it is. I look at the sky, I see the light, and I can guess what time it is.

I know the amount of money in my purse. I know the number of dirty clothes in my laundry bag. I know where is my pen and paper, I know when do I need to buy a soap.

I ride the bus, but I don’t feel the jerks. I look out. I know exactly what street it is, but it doesn’t matter. I know how long more before I get down, but it doesn’t matter.

I know when my parents are going to call me, and I have a good idea of what they’re going to talk about. I know how much balance is left in my phone, but I don’t know if I can call who I want to.



Everything has its place in space and time. Am I depriving myself of something?


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