The Caterpillar in My Pocket (1 of 2)

It was a few years ago, 2007 if i recall right, Nokia released a phone, and the tagline just hooked onto me... "There's a thing in my pocket, but it's not one, it's many".

It's kinda similar for me.
No, I didnt buy the N95... but I've got a Caterpillar in my pocket :)

the Return

It's been a while.

Red, blue, gray, work, food, play... kept me away.
Life is short, but I hope to live enough.

Will be back again.... soon. Before it's noon.
Have a good day, dear readers... if you are around.

Kis Language mein ???

kya fark padta hai? saamne waale ko samajh mein ana chahiye.nahi aaye, then he can go to hell. main to aise hi bolunga. and its not necessary ki baat samajhne ke liye saare words samajhna pade.
kabhi try kiya hai? kisi ek language mein bolna. ek din promise karo khud se, ki sirf hindi bologe, ya sirf english, or if you know any other language, to wahi bologe.
impossible hai... nahi kar sakte. bhool jaoge, dhyan nahi rahega. aur bahut determined ho, to bhi words nahi milenge. apni daily ki life mein itna kuch bolna padta hai, ki ek language mein vocabulary kam pad jaati hai.

chalo kuch example lete hain.... tumhe pasand nahi aaye, phir i cant help, par sahi example hai. jaise ki, jo effect "bitch" bolne mein hai, wo iske hindi translation mein nahi. ya phir batao ki "jhak maarne" ka english kya hai? kuch words to kisi bhi language mein nahi hote. apne college mein egg-burger ko "tinku" bolte the... par iska origin kisi ko nahi pata. "rp ka tempo high hai" naare lagate the... kuch samajh aya ? nahi. ayega bhi nahi.

maza tab aata hai, jab aise kisi ke saath ho, ki tum dono mein sirf ek hi language common hai. jaisa ki main abhi face kar raha hoon, yahan ke logo ko hindi nahi aati, mujhe tamil nahi aati. sirf english bolo. ande ki bhujiya maangni thi, kya bolta? hai to simple, scrambled eggs... par zaroorat padne par kabhi yaad nahi ayega.

ek banda madir se pooja kar tilak laga ke aya, pyara sa tilak tha... maine kaha "nice tilak".. response aya "what's tilak?"
ab lo... karo translate. it was simple for me, sirf point kar diya uske maathe ki taraf. par tilak ka english?
during my mba days, apne college mein ek banda aya tha, some bigshot (bigshot ki hindi socho), jisey kuch lecture dena tha. he was sharing his experiences from south-east asia. wahan kisi ne bhai saahab se poocha tha "would u like to have some susu in ur coffee?"
W T F !!!
pata chala.. wahan doodh ko susu bolte hain... bhai saahab ab black coffee pasand karte hain.
i dont know if thats right or wrong, whether he made it up just for the sake of joke, par...
...life mein aisa hi hota hai.

"Nanban" - (noun, tamil) "friend"

in the photo (left to right): PV, Shama and Me, at some beach on our way to Pondicherry, 17th Jan 09

click on the photo to enlarge

You don't find them, they find you.

You can't ask for them, you can't look for them, you can't arrange for them... you just have to be lucky.

You may be rich, but if you are a snob... you may be pretty, but if you are a bitch.... you may be wise, but if you are arrogant... you won't find a single of them around you. They are a gift, welcome them. They are rare, cherish them. They come at their will, stay with them. You don't need to call them frequently to keep in touch, but when you call, make sure you don't do it just for purpose. You don't have to go out of your way to help them, but if they mean something true to you, nothing will seem out of your way. You don't need to remember their birthdays, because you are not restricted to one single day in the whole year to wish them.

They are not just people around you, who you know... who you talk to, share a drink with, or ask for help. But you can find one in everyone... or find none.

There wouldn't usually be a lot of them in your life, they would be a few.....

don't lose them.

The Theory of Deletion

"Delete".
Amazing button it is.
What's more amazing is that, mostly, it comes with an undo option.

But we also delete time, moments, people, happenings, images, places, objects, facts, prayers, dreams and pains from our lives. Mostly, it's not in our control. And definitely, it does not come with the undo option. And whenever, by some stroke of chance, some deletion is undone, it again is not in our control.

Let's take people. They constitute the first part of the theory. We delete names, retain faces. We delete faces, retain names. Sometimes we retain both names and faces, but delete the connection between them. For the people, whose name and face we retain in connection, we often delete most of the things they said or did to us, and vice the versa, but retain an opinion, a sensation towards them. And as time passes, we fail to find evidences in support of our opinion about that person. This process is, fortunately and surprisingly, does not have a true inverse. That is, the amount and type of retention and deletion between two people is not mutual.

The "mutual" part of the theory holds only in case of people. And also in case of men and dogs, and other pets, or non-pet animals in some intersting cases. In short, it holds true in case both the source and the destination of deletion have biological memory units... that is, the mind.

The second part of the theory deals with places and objects and such things which are tangible to people's lives. The destination of the memory, that is, the tangible entities, do not have memory. They exist in the memories of others, and are shared to different extents by different people. And there is no upper or lower limit on the total amount of memory that a tangible entity enjoys in the share of minds of all the people who came in contact with it. So, everyone is free to remember the entity to whatever extent his mind permits.

There's another aspect of deletion (or retention) which covers intangibles, like thoughts, opinions, wishes, dreams and fears. So to say, things that are mostly personal to a mind, borne out of the course of individual's development and experiences with the world. Some of these entities are shared by more than one individual, though the source is the main, and the auxiliary individuals' memory is not a concern as long as the source's memory is retained... unless its a wish of a wife (source), but forgotten by the husband(auxiliary)... which creates a chain of events which are mostly retained by both the parties... and it then becomes a case of the first part of the theory.
Anyways, coming back to the third part, it's potentially the most powerful among the three, and can affect the other two to a great extent. The perception of the individual may cause retention of seemingly true entities or incidences, which may not always be true completely. Strong wishes may change memory patterns over time, thereby manipulating the reality inside the source's mind, mostly without his/her concious awareness of the manipulation happening in there. Pain, is a very strong cause of deletion. Oxytocin, biologically, is a burning example of that.

The three chaptered theory of deletion, probably will be challenged more often than accepted. I respect all those who want to theorise their concepts about deletion and retention. This is just the way I had to put, and of course, I myself am prone to "perception" and "wishes" and "auxiliary individuals" that influence the course of my life, and so is my theory.

Carpe Diem

seize the day
don't wait for the sun to make your hay
for there might be no tomorrow
there's no joy no sorrow
it's just a five-point scale to judge
so come with no grudge
make sure you want it till the end
give your breath and blood to spend

hate so much that you can kill
love... till you get killed
the world is happier than you can ever be
but dont stop dreaming to be
sky is not the limit, it's the beginning
stop whining, start grinning

don't walk like you own the world...
walk like you don't care who does
fill your blood with arrogance
'cause you deserve the hoot, the whistle and the buzz

be black, be proud and rough
be white, be humble enough
eat and drink... but remember to feed
live lavish... ignore not those who need
every day is a new beginning
every day has an evening
make the most..
carpe diem !!
don't die, till you die

i Am

i am reality...

the life that goes inside you
with every breath you take
the life that's in you, around you
when you sleep, when you're awake

i am material...

the dust that surrounds you
the earth beneath your feet
the wood, the water, the metal and mud
the salt, the sour, the sweet

i am the devil...
that even lives within the angel
the source of all your mischief...
your wildest dreams, your darkest plans,
your desperation for relief

i am fantasy (!)

every second i'm in your thoughts..
in every thrill that runs through your skin
in every flicker of your eyes, in every flutter of your heart...
in your divinity... in your sin

i am YOU !!!

.

Cypher

endless i am...

existing beyond forms,
hidden,
indirect,
tangible only selectively...

proximity isn't what you would expect of me
for i'm beyond the reach of those who have their feet rooted to the lithos.
i don't always live high up..
for i also have a home in the mantle beneath.

fluid...
cold that cuts through the skin...
insulated,
detached,
but sensitive to the flutter of a fish's fin.

my half is true,
for the remaining is just a replica...

incomprehensible
to those who made an effort
to decipher.

cypher i am..

.

Word Salad

I picked, I minced, I garnished...
I smelt, arranged and served... my words.
Eat them.... you might like.

Does pepper make you sneeze? I thought as much... so put some rage instead.
My wit wasn't sharp enough to cut the lemon, I hope you don't mind me squeezing a little sarcasm into it.
I left the salt on the table, add as you need. At least, you should have something to your taste.
By the way,
I know you love honey, but I'm sorry... my memories are too precious to be dripped on this word salad.

Try those round red things in the middle.
No, they aren't cherries. They are all those moments I don't cherish.
Sour.. right? Must be.
And those fresh green leafy things... yes, the ones to the left... have them carefully. They are the outgrown dreams that I had to trim down every morning.
The yellow slices rimming the plate... they're sweet. Each borne out of the rare lovely mornings in my life... each borne out of a ray of sunlight.
Oh.. I see you haven't tried the white sauce. It's not as good as mayonnaise, but it's all I could strain out my empty walks under the moon.

Eat eat eat...
Try everything that's served. Don't save anything for me. All those little bleak pieces, even I don't remember what all are those... just some crumbs from routine boring days, I guess.


And as you slip the pieces down your throat, remember, you cant burn them in your belly. Once they go in, they'll move up your bloodstream straight to your head and stay there... forever. You won't forget the taste, try as you may...

I don't...

I listen to the same songs again and again, though I know where to get new ones.

I try to write, but I fail. I try to sleep, but I fail. I keep thinking, of just one thing. I need alarms to wake me up in time, because I don’t sleep on time. I need a timer to remind me to drink water, because I forget. I eat because its lunch break, and everyone else is going for the grub.

I get tired of my inability to think. I don’t lose myself, but I don’t know what to do with what I’ve got inside. I pick a book, but I can’t read. I play a movie, but I can’t watch. I eat but I don’t taste, I breathe but I don’t smell.

I don’t lose track of time, because each moment drags on for so long. But then, days pass by, and I don’t realize that I haven’t done anything for quite some time.

I wish to run away, but I don’t make an attempt. I don’t like to call myself an escapist, though that’s exactly what I have been, for a large chunk of my life.

I wake up, I look at the light outside my window. I know exactly what day and date it is. I look at the sky, I see the light, and I can guess what time it is.

I know the amount of money in my purse. I know the number of dirty clothes in my laundry bag. I know where is my pen and paper, I know when do I need to buy a soap.

I ride the bus, but I don’t feel the jerks. I look out. I know exactly what street it is, but it doesn’t matter. I know how long more before I get down, but it doesn’t matter.

I know when my parents are going to call me, and I have a good idea of what they’re going to talk about. I know how much balance is left in my phone, but I don’t know if I can call who I want to.



Everything has its place in space and time. Am I depriving myself of something?


..